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On occasion, a 22-year-old from Los Angeles believes he is “the most exceptional individual alive”. As a diagnosed narcissist, his grandiose moments often turn “really delusional”, he explains. “You are on cloud nine and you think, ‘The world will recognize that I surpass everyone else … I’ll do great things for the world’.”

For Spring, these episodes of self-aggrandisement are often coming after a “crash”, a period when he feels overwhelmed and self-conscious about his conduct, rendering him particularly vulnerable to negative feedback from others. He first suspected he might have NPD after looking up his traits on the internet – and was later confirmed by a specialist. However, he is skeptical he would have accepted the diagnosis without having previously arrived at that conclusion on his own. Should you attempt to inform somebody that they have NPD, {they’ll probably deny it|denial is a common response|they’re likely to reject it,” he says – most notably if they experience a sense of being better. “They’re in a delusional world that they’ve constructed. And that world is like, I am superior and {nobody can question me|no one should doubt me|my authority is absolute.”

Clarifying NPD

Although people have been labelled as narcissists for more than a century, it’s not always clear what people refer to as the label. “Everyone calls everybody a narcissist,” explains an expert in narcissism, who believes the word is “used more than it should be” – but when it comes to a clinical identification, he suggests many people conceal it, as there is widespread prejudice around the illness. A narcissist will tend to have “an exaggerated self-image”, “impaired compassion”, and “a tendency to exploit relationships to enhance their social status through things like displaying material goods,” the expert says. Those with NPD may be “highly self-focused”, to the point that {“they’re not able to hold down stable relationships|“their jobs are damaged|“they have a distorted view of reality,” he emphasizes.

I’ve never cared about anyone really, so I didn’t invest in relationships seriously

Variations by Gender in NPD Presentation

While a significant majority of people identified as having NPD are men, studies indicates this number does not mean there are fewer narcissistic women, but that female narcissism is more often presented in the less obvious variety, which is under-identified. “Men’s narcissism tends to be a bit more accepted, similar to everything in society,” says a 23-year-old who discusses her co-occurring conditions on digital platforms. It’s fairly common, the two disorders are comorbid.

Individual Challenges

“I really struggle with receiving negative comments and rejection,” she explains, whenever it’s suggested that the problem is me, I either go into self-protection or I withdraw entirely.” Although experiencing this reaction – which is known as “ego wounding”, she has been attempting to address it and listen to guidance from her close relationships, as she aims to avoid falling into the negative conduct of her past. I used to be manipulative to my partners during adolescence,” she admits. Through dialectical behavioural therapy, she has been able to manage her condition better, and she says she and her current boyfriend “operate with an understanding where we’ve agreed, ‘When I speak manipulatively, if my words are controlling, point it out {right then and there|immediately|in the moment’.”

Her childhood primarily in the care of her father and explains there was an absence of healthy examples during development. “I’ve been learning over the years which behaviors are acceptable versus unacceptable to say in conflicts because I never had that in my formative years,” she says. Every insult was fair game when my household were insulting me during my childhood.”

Underlying Factors of NPD

Personality disorders tend to be connected with childhood challenges. “There is a genetic component,” notes a mental health specialist. But, when someone shows signs of narcissism, it is often “linked to that specific childhood circumstances”. Those traits were “a coping mechanism in some ways to survive at a very early age”, he continues, when they may have been neglected, or only shown love that was based on meeting particular demands. They then “continue to use those same mechanisms as adults”.

In common with many of the those diagnosed, John (a pseudonym) thinks his parents “might exhibit similar traits. The individual says when he was a child, “the focus was always on them and their work and their social life. So it was like, keep your distance.” When their focus was on him, it came in the form of “intense expectations to achieve good grades and career success, he notes, which made him feel that if he didn’t fulfill their expectations, he wasn’t “good enough”.

In adulthood, none of his relationships ever worked out. Emotional investment was lacking about anyone really,” he says. As a result, relationships weren’t relationships seriously.” He believed he wasn’t experiencing genuine affection, until he met his long-term relationship of three years, who is facing similar challenges, so, similar to his experience, struggles with mood stability. She is “very supportive of the thoughts that occur in my head”, he notes – it was in fact, her who initially thought he might have NPD.

Seeking Help

After a visit to his doctor, an assessment was arranged to a mental health professional for an assessment and was told his diagnosis. He has been referred for therapeutic sessions via government-funded care (a long period of therapy is the only treatment that has been demonstrated to benefit NPD patients, experts say), but has been on the treatment delay for an extended period: “They said it is probably going to be in a few months.”

Disclosure was limited to a small circle about his mental health status, because “there’s a big stigma that every person with NPD is harmful”, but, privately, he has accepted it. This understanding allows me to understand myself better, which is beneficial,” he says. Those interviewed have come to terms with NPD and are pursuing treatment for it – leading them to be open to talk about it – which is probably not representative of all people with the diagnosis. But the existence of individuals sharing their stories and the development of online support communities point to {more narcissists|a growing number